Okay – this one is gonna get me in trouble.
Or will it?
Sure, you might think living with me must be a hoot.
Spoiler alert – it is not.
However, I’ll only get in trouble if the ladies in my house actually read my blog.
Spoiler alert – they do not.
As a Girl-Dad, and as a husband to, yes, a girl, I’ve spent many a passing hour waiting.
Yes, waiting at appointments.
Yes, waiting in the car while they run into a store for “something quick.”
But that’s not the waiting I’m speaking of.
Nope.
I’m speaking of the waiting while they get ready.
I’m not sure how long it took Mr. Tolstoy to write War and Peace, but it’s quite possible that he wrote it during the periods of time he spent waiting for Mrs. Tolstoy to get ready for a night out.
Don’t get me wrong. My wife, Lisa, is not the main offender here.
I can’t complain about Lisa getting ready. She’s pretty quick.
But the younger ladies in the Sumstine household?
Well, that’s another story.
The four minutes I spend waiting for Charlotte to put on her shoes is the longest eleven minutes of my day – every morning as we leave for school.
But that’s not the focus of this post.
As Lisa and I sat on the couch one Saturday early evening, watching TV and deciding what to do about dinner, we witnessed Kate starting to get ready for a night out with friends.
First came the announcement of the shower.
Not that the shower was happening right then, but that there was a plan that did include, at some point, a shower.
Eventually, the shower happened, and then came the getting-dressed part.
Evidently, dressing comes in phases.
Guys, we are very simplistic animals.
Underwear, socks, pants, belt, shirt and shoes.
That’s it.
Underwear is easy. Clean and with no holes.
Socks? White or non-white.
Pants? Easy.
Belt? One that goes with the pants.
Shirt? Okay, this might require a decision and maybe a 15-to-30-second search.
Total time elapsed in picking out the ensemble?
Maybe two minutes.
Add to that the four minutes it takes to put on the assembled ensemble, and I’m, like most guys, I assume, ready in less than ten minutes after getting dry from the shower.
But the ladies?
Take a seat and get comfortable.
The underwear must be chosen with the outside outfit in mind.
Might require a change or two.
Then it’s a skirt, a dress or pants.
Then the shirt.
But in many cases, it’s shirts – plural.
As in more than one.
It has to match the pants or skirt, and it also has to match what the evening activity is.
But let’s hit fast-forward on the remote and assume the clothes are not only picked out, but now on.
Guess what time it is?
That’s right.
It’s hair and makeup time.
Here’s where I go from waiting at the door with keys in hand to moving into the living room, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.
And guys, if you don’t know how long you have, you might have two minutes or you might have fifteen minutes.
Your go-to is ESPN.
Might be golf.
Might be soccer.
Might even be bowling.
Doesn’t matter – it’s sports.
And you need to pass the time, so if it’s on, you’ll watch it.
Clothes, hair and makeup…
And now it’s shoe time.
So then you see what’s on the other ESPN channels.
And now the ensemble is complete.
Except for…
…wait for it…
The affirmation of the outfit.
“Does this look good?”
“Does this look cute?”
And guys – always.
ALWAYS.
Say, “Yes, that looks great.”
I cannot stress this enough.
You ALWAYS say yes.
And it has to be timed right.
If you rush the response, then they think you’re just saying it because you’re tired of waiting.
WHICH YOU ARE!!!
But you don’t let them know that.
And as important as not rushing it, you also can’t hesitate or pause too long.
Because then she might think you don’t like it, but you just want to go.
So the timing of your response is just as important as the response itself.
And then, finally…
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go.”
Keys in hand.
Door opens.
And right at that exact moment…
the ESPN thing you weren’t really watching gets interesting.
EVERY.
SINGLE.
TIME.
But you know what?
I wouldn’t trade it.
Because someday, I’m going to miss sitting on that couch, watching whatever sport happens to be on, pretending I’m actually paying attention…
while waiting for my girls to get ready.
Although I’m still going to complain about it.
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
