I Needed some coffee creamer, I was low and didn’t want to be out of it when I made a cup of coffee in the morning.
See, I’m an early riser.
And by early riser, I mean I’m usually awake around 5:00am, which is roughly two hours before the Milton Food Lion opens.
Which creates a problem when you are out of coffee creamer.
So, in planning ahead, I made my way to Food Lion.
While I was there, I texted Charlotte to see if she wanted or needed anything.
Yes.
Dr. Pepper.
So I got coffee creamer and Dr. Pepper.
Simple enough.
Then, while standing in the Dr. Pepper aisle, I noticed Coke was 2 for $4.00.
Two-liter bottles.
So I got a Coke and a Coke Zero.
And that’s when it hit me.
Everything in my basket was a beverage.
Except the coffee creamer.
And now I have a question.
Is coffee creamer a beverage?
Or is it a condiment?
I mean, I put it in my coffee, which is definitely a beverage.
And while I don’t drink coffee creamer by itself, it’s kind of in the milk family.
And milk is a beverage.
So maybe coffee creamer is a beverage by association.
Or perhaps a beverage by proxy.
I don’t know.
But now I need to know.
Is coffee creamer a condiment?
A beverage?
Or a beverage by proxy?
And if you’re wondering why I can’t sleep tonight…
This is it.
This is literally what my brain is doing at 2:00am.
Carried over from earlier this evening.
And now…
Hmmm.
I wonder if a cup of warm milk would help.
Wait.
Is warm milk a beverage or a sleep aid?
Oh, for the love of God.
Is there some sort of beverage question hotline I can call?
Because apparently this is where we are now.
