Went to bed last night later than usual.
9:47 p.m.
I know… right?
As I grabbed the remote to turn off the TV, I caught a commercial for a perfume.
Or was it cologne?
Perfume. Cologne.
Potato. Potato.
This commercial… seriously?
It featured a guy in his mid-20s with the body of a Greek god diving into a crystal-clear swimming pool.
Sitting at the edge of the pool was a super-thin model in her mid-20s.
Then the camera zooms in on this crazy-designed bottle that probably holds two ounces and probably costs more than it takes to fill up my truck with gas.
Seriously?
So if I rub a dab behind each ear…
I’m all set?
A dab of this stuff and I’d be beating the ladies off with a bat?
This guy in his banana hammock just climbed out of a swimming pool.
So this smelly stuff stays on after a brisk swim?
I need something real.
I want to see a commercial for perfume or cologne made for regular people.
I want to see a perfume made for a woman who actually needs help getting a guy.
Not a fragrance that’ll break the tie.
A fragrance that’ll actually bring the guy to the girl.
Forget flowers.
Make it smell like bacon.
Or waffles.
You know… something that’ll make a guy drool.
And if she’s trying to attract an athlete?
Make a perfume that smells like a freshly opened can of tennis balls.
Now let’s not leave the guys out.
The average guy needs a cologne that’ll make women stop what they’re doing and pay attention.
Wait…
I GOT IT.
A cologne with that New Car Smell.
Tell me women wouldn’t notice that.
Next thing I knew, it was 10:30.
Still awake.
But I was pretty sure I’d just invented “Eau de New Car.”
Thanks a lot… perfume commercial.
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