In This Corner…
Sometimes a rivalry goes on for so long that there is only one way to settle it.
Somebody’s gotta get punched.
You know the kind of rivalry I’m talking about.
The smiles are fake.
The compliments are forced.
They pretend the other one doesn’t even exist.
“Oh…them? We don’t pay any attention to them.”
Yeah…right.
Meanwhile they’re obsessively watching every commercial, every billboard, every marketing campaign, just waiting for the other one to slip.
Business is ruthless.
Image is everything.
Eventually enough is enough.
A date is set.
A neutral location is chosen.
Training camps begin.
Months of training.
Early morning runs.
Protein shakes.
Road work.
Jump rope.
Speed bags.
Somebody is finally going home with bragging rights.
The arena is sold out.
The lights dim.
The crowd is on its feet.
First to enter…
Flo.
White apron.
Hair pulled back.
Game face on.
Jamie follows behind, clapping enthusiastically.
Not because he’s about to help in a fight.
Let’s be honest…
Jamie looks like the kind of guy who would apologize after accidentally bumping into a coat rack.
He’s just there for moral support.
Then the lights go dark again.
A spotlight hits the entrance.
Out walks Doug.
Pocket protector loaded with pens.
Toothpick hanging from the corner of his mouth.
That thousand-yard stare that says, “I’ve denied claims tougher than you.”
Walking just behind him…
Limu Emu.
Who immediately spots Jamie.
Poor Jamie.
Before anyone can react, Limu is chasing Jamie around the ring while Jamie screams like someone just told him his premiums doubled.
Security decides it’s probably best to let nature take its course.
Back in the ring…
Flo and Doug meet in the center.
The referee gives the usual instructions.
“Protect yourselves at all times.”
“No low blows.”
“Keep it clean.”
They nod.
Touch gloves.
Return to their corners.
The bell rings.
The crowd erupts.
They circle each other.
Closer…
Closer…
The entire arena holds its breath.
Just as they’re about to throw the very first punch…
CRAAAAASH!!
A body falls straight through the ceiling.
Pieces of the roof rain down into the ring.
The mat explodes.
Everyone dives for cover.
Standing in the middle of the wreckage…
Mayhem.
He brushes the drywall dust off his jacket.
Looks around.
Shrugs.
“I figured somebody was going to need me.”
Because let’s face it…
If you’re going to beat the daylights out of each other…
You’re probably going to need really good insurance.
BUNDLE THAT Jamie
My Take on Life and Events 