Anyone in my family will tell you that I do enjoy going to the grocery store.
Yup. I do.
My personal record is five times in one day. Although, that was a bit of an anomaly because I had to go three times just to make breakfast one Sunday.
See, sometimes I can be a bit of a doofus.
But I often wonder what the people working the checkout lanes think about the items people buy.
Maybe not individually, but as a group. Or better yet, as a pair of items.
A while back, I needed some broccoli to make something. While I was there, I also needed to pick up some 9-volt batteries because I had used the last one at 2 AM on a smoke alarm that wouldn’t SHUT THE HELL UP AT 2 AM.
I know, right?
So there I am at the checkout with broccoli and a pack of 9-volt batteries. And as they went up the conveyor belt, I wondered if anyone else had ever purchased just this particular duo of items.
Broccoli and 9-volt batteries.
I also wondered if the cashier had the same thought.
Do they ever look at the items coming down the conveyor belt and think to themselves, “What in the world is this guy buying these two things for?”
It actually brought back a college memory…
It was regionals for cross country, and we were way out in the boonies in Pennsylvania. It was dreary, cold and wet, with that lovely mixture of rain, sleet and snow already coming down. And the forecast for the next day, race day, wasn’t looking any better.
We arrived at the course late Friday afternoon, the day before the race. We did a little warmup, looked over the course, and then headed back to the hotel to shower and get ready to play cards, watch movies or whatever.
Normally, on an overnight trip, we’d go check out a nearby college or find something fun to do. But this was a pretty big race, we were out in the middle of nowhere, and the weather was lousy. Best to keep things low-key and hang out.
Our college uniforms were nice, but the tops had a vinyl sash running diagonally across the chest. Unfortunately, that vinyl rubbed pretty badly.
Causing serious chafing.
Most of the time, we’d put Band-Aids on our nipples to keep them from rubbing raw.
YES, WE DID.
We also used other items from the athletic trainer’s box. Lots of tape and, of course, Vaseline to prevent blistering and chafing.
During Friday’s run, we realized we were running low on Band-Aids and Vaseline. So after we showered and ate, a few of us decided to take the school van and head to the store we’d spotted earlier.
Coach gave us $20, so off we went.
It’s been many years, but I think there were five of us. We went through the store, grabbed a box of Band-Aids and a good-sized jar of Vaseline, and headed to the checkout.
We were joking around and having a perfectly normal conversation as we placed our purchases on the conveyor belt.
And then it happened.
It seemed to strike all of us at exactly the same time, just as the conveyor belt started moving.
Here we were. Five college guys.
Buying Band-Aids and Vaseline.
Nothing else.
“Okay, this seems awkward.”
I still wonder what in the world that lady thought as she rang up and bagged our purchase.
I think I would have liked to have been a grocery store cashier, back before the self-checkout areas took over. It would be interesting to watch what people bought and try to figure out:
“Why this?”
“Why these two things and nothing else?”
I really would like to talk to someone who has worked a grocery store checkout lane and find out what the strangest combinations of items they’ve ever seen were.
Broccoli and 9-volt batteries.
Band-Aids and Vaseline.
And I’m sure there are combinations that make those look perfectly normal.
So, if you’ve ever worked as a grocery store cashier, I’d love to hear about the strangest combination of items someone ever purchased.
And more importantly, did you ever figure out what they were doing with them?
Because I’m pretty sure some purchases just leave you with more questions than answers.
