As I walked down the grocery store aisle, I found myself facing a rather difficult decision.
What should I pass out to the youth of Milton when they come knocking on my door this Halloween?
I looked at the various types of candy, but everyone gives out candy.
Then I considered fruit. Nope. That’s just wrong.
Fruit isn’t wrapped and could be sketchy.
I looked at things like Rice Krispies Treats, Fruit Roll-Ups, and other individually packaged snacks. All perfectly acceptable options, but nothing particularly inspiring.
I want to be remembered.
Then it occurred to me.
These kids are going to get enough candy. What they really need is something they can use. Something that might actually benefit them. Maybe even something they don’t know they need.
That’s when I had my idea.
This Halloween, I’m giving out advice.
Sure, a piece of candy might satisfy that sweet craving, but a sound word of wisdom could last a lifetime.
I mean, jeez, I made it into my 60s.
Think about it. Instead of handing a kid a Snickers bar, I could give them something they’ll carry with them for years.
Some examples:
- Always wear clean underwear. You never know when you’ll be in an accident.
- Look under every rock.
- Money doesn’t grow on trees. I’ve checked.
- Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.
- If you borrow something, return it.
- Your parents aren’t as stupid as you think. You’ll understand someday.
- Never trust a fart after 50.
And here’s the beauty of it. I’ll have all this advice individually written on little slips of paper, and each kid can reach into a bowl and pick one.
It’s kind of like a fortune cookie, except instead of getting a fortune, they’re getting a little piece of wisdom from an old guy standing on his front porch.
Who knows? Maybe one of these kids will actually listen. Maybe something I say will stick with them and make a difference in their lives.
Of course, I’ll probably have to wait until they’re at least 30 before that happens.
And if they don’t like the advice?
Well, they can always go to the house next door and get a Kit Kat.
Happy Halloween, Milton!
