You know how when you can’t sleep and your mind starts racing?
You try everything.
Then you think, “Hey, I know. I’ll count sheep.”
Well, that didn’t work for me.
I tried the counting sheep thing. Got to maybe four and then I thought to myself, “Jim, this is ridiculous.”
And yes, when I think to myself, I do think to myself in the third person.
But back to the ridiculous part.
Who are these sheep?
I don’t know these sheep.
I’m not personally invested in these sheep.
I don’t know any of their names.
Wait a minute.
Are there ANY famous sheep?
I couldn’t think of any famous sheep that have a name.
Yes, there’s Baa Baa Black Sheep.
But that’s not a name.
While it might be an accurate description of that one sheep, are there other black sheep?
And I know Mary had a Little Lamb, but that’s not a name either.
It refers to the owner and her possession.
And if something happened to this one lamb, or if it grows up, what then?
I mean, we all knew that Mary had a little lamb.
And we know it followed her to school “one day.”
OK, a little lamb following Mary to school one day is cute and adorable.
Well, maybe to everyone except the janitor, I mean.
And if I recall, the teacher said, “Um, no. Mary, you can’t bring that to school.”
“But Mrs. Harkins, she just followed me.”
See, I had to make up a name for the teacher because evidently, in nursery rhymes, names don’t further the storyline.
So this Mrs. Harkins lady sends the little lamb home.
Did the lamb make it home?
Or did the lamb just hang out all day on the school perimeter, patiently waiting for Mary?
And then, presumably, the little lamb follows Mary home.
Let’s assume this happens for a while.
Eventually, the lamb will get bigger, and then the next thing you know, Mary no longer has a little lamb.
Now, Mary has a full-grown sheep.
Does this now Big-Ass Sheep ever get a name?
Or does the nursery rhyme morph into:
Mary Had a Big-Ass Sheep, Big-Ass Sheep, Big-Ass Sheep
Mary Had a Big-Ass Sheep,
Its hair was white as snow,
But showing a touch of grey.
It followed her to college one day…
That’s where it started to lose me.
And now here I am — still awake, looking for other yet-unnamed sheep to count.
Jeez.
I wonder what their story is.
