Remember Mr. Whipple?

The poor guy spent decades begging us…

“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.”

But here’s what keeps me awake.

What if one day he walked into the paper products aisle, wasn’t paying attention, and accidentally squeezed Brawny paper towels instead?

You know…

The ones with the giant lumberjack on the package.

I have to believe that somewhere, hidden in the fine print of advertising law, that lumberjack is contractually obligated to appear out of thin air and absolutely flatten Mr. Whipple.

One squeeze.

That’s all it takes.

Next thing you know, Mr. Whipple is waking up three aisles over next to the paper plates wondering what happened.

Poor Mr. Whipple never saw it coming

The Charmin bears are probably watching from the end cap thinking,

“Dude… wrong product.”

I know it’s ridiculous.

But if you’re wondering why I was awake at 2:17 this morning…

Now you know.

• Ramblings
• That Guy