Let me start off by saying:

“It meant nothing.”

I mean it.
Truly.
It meant nothing.

It was a one-time thing.

I was by myself.
I was in Florida.
And it was hot.

So, so hot.

You were back home in Delaware.
Hundreds of miles away.
And I needed it.

I needed it bad.

Then I heard about this place.
Someone mentioned it.
Said they could take me right away.

No appointment.
No waiting.

And before I knew it… I went.

No expectations.

And honestly?

It wasn’t even that good.

In fact, it felt kinda… icky.

Yes.
Icky.

It meant nothing to me.
NOTHING.

If I’m being truthful, I regretted it almost immediately.

Even before it was over, I knew I had made a mistake.

And afterwards, while gathering myself and heading back to my car, I felt like I was doing the walk of shame.

You know the walk.

That moment where you know you did wrong and suddenly feel so… cheap.

Yes. Cheap.

I kept wondering:

“Did I just use that person… or did that person use me?”

Either way, I knew one thing:

I’ll never see that person again.

It was a one-time thing.
I promise.

And honestly… I thought of you the whole time.

The entire time.

I even caught myself thinking:

“She doesn’t do it like that.”

“She takes her time.”

“She actually cares.”

“She makes sure it’s done right.”

And deep down, I knew I should have waited for you.

So I promise:

I will never go near that place again.
That place or any other place.

And that… is the story of me getting a haircut in Florida because I couldn’t get into R Sterling Salon and Spa to see Patty before vacation.

Please take me back.

Because Patty, you got the goods.

• Seriously
• That Guy