This has been a big topic of conversation for years in the Sumstine household.
Yes — YEARS!!!
And it’s 3 on 1.
Now, most things in my house go 3-1. And being that it’s three ladies and one guy (me), often my vote doesn’t even count.
But on this issue — I STILL SAY I WAS RIGHT.
Or I was in the right.
Usually, I would state that I might get in trouble for writing this post.
But NOPE — I won’t get in trouble.
See, the ladies in the house don’t even read my blog.
So let me tell you about this situation that happened, and then I’ll let you be the judge.
It was late in the evening. Probably 11:00 p.m.
It was cold. It might have been in the teens or low 20s.
It was dark. Because it was 11:00 p.m. (ish), and it was January, I think.
So the scenario is:
LATE. COLD. DARK.
I cannot stress these three conditions enough.
We had flown into Philadelphia International Airport and taken the shuttle to our off-airport parking lot.
The shuttle dropped us off semi-close to our van.
We were coming from Florida, where it was warm, and landing in Philadelphia, where it was NOT warm.
We all had our carry-on suitcases, got off the shuttle, and made our way to the van.
Being the dad, I got there first. I opened up the back, and we all threw our bags in.
Then we prepared to leave.
The ladies got into the van. Lisa in the front passenger seat, and the girls in the back.
BUT — and here’s the rub of the entire situation.
I, of course, opened the door for Lisa, so I was standing on the passenger side of the van.
AND — and this is an important detail, so PAY ATTENTION — we had been in Florida for a week or so.
The van had been sitting in a parking lot in Pennsylvania for approximately seven days.
It was dark. It was cold. It was late.
And before I got into the van to begin the roughly two-hour drive home, I wanted to check the tires.
SAFETY FIRST.
I wasn’t just checking tires. I was conducting a pre-departure safety inspection.
There is a difference.
The fact that I was wearing Florida clothes in Pennsylvania in January was irrelevant.
The fact that my fingers were beginning to lose feeling was irrelevant.
I had a job to do.
I wanted to make sure the tires were okay before we began our trek home.
The entire walk around the van took roughly 15 SECONDS.
FIFTEEN.
SECONDS.
I wasn’t rebuilding the engine. I wasn’t changing the oil. I wasn’t rotating the tires in the parking lot.
I WAS WALKING AROUND THE VAN.
As I was almost finished with my safety inspection, I heard one of the Sumstine ladies shout:
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
To which I loudly responded:
“I’m checking the tires.”
Now, I still had the keys in my hands. I finished checking the tires, opened the driver’s door, got in, and started the van.
I was immediately met with a barrage of complaints.
“It’s freezing in here!”
“Why didn’t you start the car first?”
“Why are you checking the tires? TURN ON THE HEAT!”
You would have thought I’d asked them to spend the night in the parking lot, build a fire, and fashion blankets out of our carry-on luggage.
All I had done was delay the delivery of warm air by approximately 15 seconds.
Now, what DIDN’T I hear?
Well, I didn’t hear:
“Father, thank you for not immediately getting out of the bitter cold and instead caring about our safety.”
That would have been nice.
Perhaps even a simple “Thanks, Dad, for making sure our vehicle is safe before you drive us two hours home” would have sufficed.
But no.
Apparently, I was expected to operate both a vehicle AND a climate-control system while simultaneously performing a tire inspection.
I am a handyman, not a NASA control room engineer.
Now, as you know, it’s not like you turn on a van that has been sitting in freezing temperatures for seven days and immediately experience the warmth of a Florida afternoon.
No.
That doesn’t happen.
You turn on the van, turn on the heat, and wait.
And wait.
And wait some more.
The heat doesn’t immediately come blasting out like you’ve just opened the gates of Heaven.
Or would that be the gates of Hell?
So I made a decision.
I would check the tires FIRST and delay turning on the heat for 10–15 seconds.
I didn’t want to get into the van, turn it on, turn on the heat, get back out into the freezing air, walk around the van, and then get back in again.
I wanted to do it in an efficient manner.
I wanted to streamline the operation.
I wanted to maximize our productivity.
Basically, I wanted to walk around the van ONCE.
Apparently, this was a controversial management decision.
And now, years later, I am STILL taunted almost weekly with one of the Sumstine ladies bellowing:
“I’M CHECKING THE TIRES!”
In a very forceful tone.
You would think I had committed some sort of unforgivable crime.
There are people who have served time for less.
Okay, probably not. But you get the idea.
So I have a few questions.
Did they think I wasn’t aware that it was freezing outside?
Did they think that when I started the van, instantaneous warmth would magically appear?
Did they think that after seven or so days sitting in the cold, a quick walk around the vehicle was completely unnecessary?
And for the final question…
DID THEY THINK I DID NOT CARE ABOUT BOTH THEIR SAFETY AND THEIR COMFORT?
Because apparently, in the Sumstine household, you can care about one or the other, but not both.
You can either make sure the vehicle is safe OR you can turn on the heat.
There is no middle ground.
No compromise.
No 15-second grace period.
So — for those of you playing at home — I ask:
WHO WAS IN THE RIGHT?
Was I a caring, safety-conscious father and husband who took 15 seconds to make sure his family was safe?
Or was I a cold-hearted monster who deliberately withheld warm air from three innocent women in the dead of winter?
You decide.
And if you happen to see a man walking around a minivan in a parking lot, in the dark, in the cold, while three women watch him from inside a perfectly good vehicle, don’t interfere.
He’s not lost.
He’s not confused.
He’s not trying to remember where he parked.
He’s checking the tires.
And if it’s me, I might be checking them twice.
SAFETY FIRST. COMFORT SECOND. FAMILY MOCKERY FOREVER.
If you respond and I don’t reply right away, it’s because I might not be in front of my laptop.
I might be outside.
I MIGHT BE CHECKING THE TIRES!!!
