Seriously.
What gives……
You might recall when I got bit by that demon snake and patiently awaited my snake-like superhero powers to manifest.
They did not.
And yeah, I’m not going to pretend I’m not bitter about it.
I saw Spider-Man.
I saw Peter Parker get bit by a spider, and look what happened to him.
I’m beginning to doubt the whole Spider-Man scenario.
Then again, maybe the superhero powers are still coming.
I can be patient.
But then Thursday happened.
On Thursday, I was working on an outside deck in the back of a house.
The house backed up to a pretty heavy bamboo area, and there was a shed.
As the day went on and the work was getting done, the two cups of coffee had sunk in, along with quite a lot of water……
Well, I went behind the shed and into the bamboo area to have a moment of deep reflection.
But the deep reflection didn’t get too far.
See, this nest of yellow jackets had other ideas.
Now, I know that yellow jackets burrow underground.
But I didn’t think to actually look for them.
What are the odds?
Well, good odds or bad odds, there I was, um, in a moment of deep reflection.
And the first one struck.
Right in my right ankle.
SON OF A!!!
I actually yelled something else, but I’m cleaning it up for any minors who might be reading.
I swatted at it, and then I saw the swarm.
Leave it to me to have a moment of deep reflection right on top of an underground yellow jacket nest.
And they weren’t feeling it.
As I began swatting, another got me in my left ankle.
And though I swatted him, the first little A-hole that got me in the right ankle got me again in the right ankle.
Now, I’m a grown-ass man and all, but SON OF A……
This stuff hurts.
So I got out of the area and began to assess my injuries, when one got me again.
This time, in my left calf.
I had on pants, so it wasn’t as bad, but jeez……
Three yellow jackets.
Four stings.
These little guys were not kidding around.
They were definitely defending their home, and they weren’t taking any chances.
Snake bite years ago.
Yellow jacket stings 24 hours ago.
Wasp sting in the infamous Milford Porta-Potty incident, maybe five years ago.
Did I write about that attack?
Not sure.
But I now have stings and possibly trace amounts of venom in my body.
And I got nothing.
Bupkiss.
Goose egg.
Big giant goose egg.
Zero superpowers.
Am I saying it’s still not possible?
No.
There’s still a chance.
It gets slimmer every day, and every season, and every year.
But I’m a patient man.
On top of being a grown-ass man, I’m a patient man.
Yes.
I’m a grown-ass, patient man.
Any would-be criminals who might be planning a caper down the line need to heed this warning.
My superpowers might still be coming.
I still might be, in the future, the next superhero.
But for now, I need to put something on my ankles.
They itch like crazy.
Even us would-be superheroes need calamine ointment from time to time.
