You know how people say you always want your kids to have it better than you did?
Ok – accurate.
And I get it.
I do.
But jeez…
And Holy Cow…
Girls are expensive.
Not like million-dollar expenses on a day-to-day basis.
But still…
Now, I’m a Girl-Dad and ONLY a Girl-Dad, so I don’t really have a level of comparison about the expenses a Boy-Dad might incur.
Sure, sporting equipment and skateboard paraphernalia might be things a Boy-Dad has to purchase.
But even sporting equipment and skateboards last a season, maybe multiple seasons, and sometimes even years.
But I’m talking day-to-day expenses.
And each day is different and each different day brings different day-to-day expenses.
This evening I had to take 16-year-old Charlotte to the store.
On her shopping list: makeup wipes, liquid eyeliner and nail polish remover.
I’m a guy, so the makeup and cosmetic world is still somewhat foreign to me.
I live in a house with my wife and two daughters, so I’ve gotten the basics down.
I know what things are and I know their usage.
Sometimes.
Last week I paid for nails.
This week I paid for nail polish remover.
Which means very soon I’ll have to pay for new nails.
Circle of life.
At this point, I feel like I’m financing a demolition crew that only tears down the things I paid to build last week.
And that’s when I started noticing a pattern.
A surprising amount of being a Girl Dad involves paying for both sides of the same equation.
Pay for the nails.
Pay to remove the nails.
Pay for the makeup.
Pay to remove the makeup.
Pay to color the hair.
Pay for products to protect the color.
Pay to style the hair.
Pay for products to undo the styling.
The beauty industry looked at a circle and thought, “What if we monetized every point on it?”
Makeup.
Holy Cosmetic Surgery Batman…
Makeup is pricey!
There’s a whole wall of makeup products and brands for every single thing on a woman’s face.
But guess what?
You pay for makeup, and then you pay for wipes to take the makeup off.
It’s a thing.
“Makeup Wipes.”
Mind blown.
You purchase a specialty cosmetic to put on and THEN you pay for a specialty cosmetic remover to take off the specialty item you put on.
You pay to put it on and then you pay to take it off.
Imagine if guys did that.
“Sir, that’ll be $14.99 for this beard.”
“Great. How much to remove it?”
“Another $14.99.”
“Perfect. Makes total sense.”
And the hair care products.
DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE HAIR CARE PRODUCTS.
Ok… since we went there.
Again, I must state, in case you found this random starting point and have no idea who I am…
I’m a grown-ass man.
I use whatever hair product is in the shower.
And being that I don’t have a lot of hair, I use it sparingly.
Or else.
See, I’ve heard things.
I’ve heard the very loud bellowing from the bathroom:
“WHO USED ALL OF MY _________?”
Fill in the blank with whatever miracle potion happened to come in a bottle.
Remember Pert?
Or was it Pert Plus?
I think that’s what it was.
It was body wash, shampoo and conditioner all in one.
That’s what I used.
I think.
But now I use whatever is in the shower, and there are usually several different options to choose from.
I look for two key letters.
“S” and “C.”
That’s all I look for.
And truth be told, without my glasses in the shower and with the tiny writing on the bottles, those are about the only two letters I can make out.
But then, after the hair is washed using several products, there are the after-hair products.
I had no idea.
There are sprays.
Creams.
Serums.
Protectants.
Restorers.
Moisturizers.
Things that make hair do things.
Things that keep hair from doing things.
Things that undo things other things did to the hair.
Again…
Paying for both sides of the same equation.
And in keeping with this theme, I find it odd that a woman would have both a hair straightener AND a hair curler.
One appliance is designed to make curly hair straight.
The other is designed to make straight hair curly.
As a guy, this seems wildly inefficient.
But then again, I’m a man who spent years using a shampoo, conditioner and body wash that all came in the same bottle.
So maybe I’m not qualified to judge.
At this point in my life, I’m just happy to still have hair.
My Take on Life and Events 