We live in a society of rules.
When rules aren’t followed, the general framework of daily life breaks down.
I’m not talking about laws. Laws are different. Laws are written down and more importantly, if laws are not followed, then there are consequences and punishments.
Rules are a different breed.
No, I don’t know what goes on in the ladies bathroom, but in the men’s room, we have certain unspoken rules.
RULES !!!
I’m not gonna call it bathroom etiquette because that implies some sense of formality. And in the men’s bathroom, these unspoken rules are pretty standard. Perhaps a father might tell his son what to do in the men’s room but other than that, it’s a pretty standard practice about what happens. As guys, we know what to do.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
The other day I used a men’s room in a store. It was a big store, thus a big men’s room. Multiple stalls and multiple standing urinals; a big bathroom with plenty of room.
There are basic dos and there are also basic not to dos.
Now there is no policing that goes on in the men’s room. There is also no monitor. If something is awry, there is no one to report any violations too.
But make no mistake. There is unacceptable code of conduct, and there are certain things that you just don’t do.
I don’t think it’s just a cultural thing . I don’t think these unwritten rules of men’s bathroom rules are limited to just the United States. I’d like to think that internationally there are the same set of rules that apply.
Public men’s rooms are not just a US thing. I’m not familiar with international men’s room, but I’d like to think the standard layouts still apply, thus the standard rules will apply.
So, I have taken it upon myself to write out these rules as a guide to someone that might not know how to act.
The Unwritten Rules of Men’s Bathroom Use
• This is not Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Pick the corner, not the middle, you are not looking for neighbors. Spacing is important, when possible, leave a urinal in between you and the other person.
• Eyes forward. It’s not a social event. There are a few bathrooms I’ve been in that actually has newpapers attached to the walls. This is even more important when a barrier or partition does not exist.
• Talking mid-stream is a big NO. Unless you know the person and are continuing the conversation that was already started – SILENCE IS GOLDEN. You are here for a task, not a conversation.
• Flush. Always. ALWAYS. Many urinals and toilets have motion sensors that flush for you – but if not – FLUSH. This isn’t a barn.
• Washing hands is optional. YES – I say optional. Now, this may or may not be up for debate. BUT, if I’ve just recently showered and the public men’s room I need to frequent is not the cleanest, then my freshly showered body is cleaner than any sink I might be touching. AND ….. I’m not a child, I know how to go to the men’s room and not pee on myself. If the bathroom is clean, then yes, wash your hands.
• The stall line is often long, even in a men’s room. And while you are not being judged, we don’t question why you are in the stall and not at a standing urinal, your time is kinda/sorta monitored by silent count in the head of each guy waiting in line. Don’t feel rushed, we’ve all been there, but it’s not a time to check your tik-tok feeds.
• Hand air dryer or paper towels dispensed, either way, if you wash, you are expected to dry. And if you choose the paper towel, dispose of the waste. If you miss the trash bin – pick it up – bathroom cleaning people have jobs that we do not have to make more difficult.
• No sighing on exit. Leave like a ghost, silently without commotion. We all leave feeling relieved, the people in the room don’t need to know your level of relief.
I know this set of “Rules” might not be complete and I reserve the right to amend, alter or add to this list.
I felt it necessary to put these unwritten rules in writing as the person beside me the other day might have forgotten them. Or, perhaps he didn’t know them.
These are learned, not taught.
Read them.
Learn them.
Live them.
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