There are some things about me you might not know.
And then there are things you absolutely know… whether you wanted to or not.
1 example
I am a loud sneezer.
Not “oh, excuse me” loud.
Not “polite tissue dab” loud.
I’m talking:
sonic boom meets gunshot meets small controlled explosion.
And just when you think it’s over…
…it’s not.
Because I’m a two-for-one special.
Not one sneeze.
No no no.
BAM.
(brief moment of false security…)
BAM AGAIN.
Double tap.
Every time.
I’ve tried to stifle it.
You know… be a civilized human being.
But that just results in my head feeling like it’s about to collapse inward like a dying star.
So now?
We let it fly.
BAM … BAM.
You’re welcome.
My family… well… they have thoughts.
Strong thoughts.
So strong, in fact, that they held a family meeting about it.
A meeting that—minor detail—I was NOT INVITED TO.
And yes, I have questions.
Mostly: how is that legal?
Anyway…
In this secret summit, they came to a decision.
A ruling.
A policy change.
From now on…
The volume of the “God Bless You” will match the volume of the sneeze.
So now, when I let one rip downstairs…
BAM … BAM
…from somewhere else in the house comes…
“GOD BLESS YOU!!!”
Echoing through the walls like we’re summoning something…
I created a monster.
And now I live with it.
To be fair… I’m not completely inconsiderate.
If I’m in the car with someone, I’ll try to tone it down.
And if I succeed?
I’m rewarded with a gentle…
“God bless you.”
Maybe even a whisper.
Growth.
Personal growth.
But here’s the thing…
I actually like the rule.
So now I use it out in the wild.
Someone sneezes near me?
Well, if it’s a dainty little “achoo”…
They’re getting a regular volume “God bless you”.
But ….. if they sneeze loudly, then they get a much louder “GOD BLESS YOU!!!”
And then I have to explain myself.
Every time.
Worth it.
Now don’t get it twisted—
I am not the only sneezing offender in this house.
Oh no.
The Sumstine Sneeze Spectrum is a real thing.
Kate?
She goes with what I call the cough-sneeze hybrid.
It’s like halfway through the sneeze she panics and goes:
“Nope, too much exposure,”
and converts it into a cough.
Respect the effort.
But I’m not buying it.
Also—she doesn’t double tap.
She goes full machine gun.
Four… five… rapid-fire sneeze-coughs.
Honestly?
Impressive.
Charlotte?
She tries to bring the thunder.
Full body commitment.
Big energy.
But physics gets involved.
There’s just not enough mass behind it.
So it’s loud…
…but it’s missing that boom.
Still gets a full-volume
“GOD BLESS YOU”
Because we reward effort in this house.
Lisa?
Total wildcard.
Soft one day.
Loud the next.
You never know what you’re getting.
Keeps things interesting.
Me?
Oh, I’m consistent.
You always know what’s coming.
In fact, I’ll announce it:
“I have to sneeze.”
And then… we wait.
And wait.
And WAIT.
Because sometimes it just sits there…
Hanging out in my head…
stretching…
warming up…
Like it’s in the starting blocks of a race.
And then—
BAM.
We’re off.
Now here’s where it gets educational.
Because this isn’t just a blog.
This is a learning experience.
You’re welcome.
There’s a real thing called the Photic Sneeze Reflex
Which basically means…
Bright light can trigger a sneeze.
Yes.
That’s real.
Yes.
I use it.
If a sneeze won’t come out?
Close eyes.
Look at a bright light.
Boom.
System reset.
Sunlight works best.
But a good light bulb will get the job done in a pinch.
Anyway…
Now you know:
• Why I sneeze like a cannon
• Why my house sounds like a church revival afterward
• And how to force a sneeze like a professional
And if you ever win Jeopardy! because of that little nugget?
A shout-out would be nice.
I’m not asking for much.
Just a little recognition… and maybe a plaque.
My Take on Life and Events 