And make no mistake — it’s a real list.

And once you’re on it… you’re on it.

Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything is going to happen.
But if something does happen someday, well… then hey… they were on the list.

My list is called:

“People I Want To Punch In The Face.”

Have I actually punched anyone on this list in the face?

No.
Of course not.

Not yet.

But that doesn’t mean someone won’t eventually get punched in the face.
Highly unlikely… but I do reserve the right.

They’re on the list for a reason.

Notice the key word in the title:

Want.

“People I Want To Punch In The Face.”

Now if the list were called “People I Am Absolutely Going To Punch In The Face,” then yes — I would have to be a lot more selective.

Lawyers might get involved.
Paperwork.
Witnesses.

Nobody wants that.

So for now it stays:
“People I Want To Punch In The Face.”

Some people who read my blog know me.
Some of you are complete strangers.

If you’re a complete stranger — congratulations.
You are safe from being punched in the face by me.

I have to keep the list realistic.

On the other hand… if you know me personally…

Well…

You might be on the list.

Kind of makes you wonder, huh?

Now the list itself is not written down anywhere.
Not on paper.
Not on my laptop.

Because let’s say, hypothetically, someone on the list did get punched in the face.

And let’s say the police found out I had a list called “People I Want To Punch In The Face.”

And let’s say the punched person couldn’t identify who punched them…

Suddenly I become a very credible suspect.

I can’t allow that to happen.

So the list exists only in the deep, dark recesses of my mind.

And once you’re on the list… you’re on it for good.

Sure, we might have pleasant conversations.
We might shake hands.
You might walk away thinking:

“Jim is a really nice guy.”

But make no mistake.

Once you’re on the list…

There is no removal from the list.

The list is permanent.
Eternal.
Possibly even transferable to the afterlife.

In this life you’ll never know.

Now you might be wondering why I’m bringing this up today.

Well…

Because a new person was just added.

Yes.

Someone has recently annoyed me enough that they are now under consideration for a future face-punching.

The list itself is not long.

Very few people make the cut.

I won’t reveal the exact number, but let’s just say it’s somewhere in the 8–12 range.

For simplicity, we’ll call it 10 people.

But this newest offender…

Might be #11.

And here’s the kicker.

I don’t even know this person’s name.

And it’s a local person, too.

Ain’t that something.

My daughter Charlotte is thriving in her freshman year of high school.

One of the classes she chose is Culinary Arts.

Which honestly is pretty cool.

She doesn’t even realize it, but she’s learning math… fractions… measurements… and how to follow a recipe.

Which is basically learning how to follow step-by-step instructions, a life skill many adults still haven’t mastered.

Pretty impressive.

BUT.

And follow me here.

SON OF A—

She’s baking things ALL. THE. TIME.

First it was banana muffins.

         Side Note #1 — Yummy.

Then it was a cake.

Then another cake.

And just now…

ANOTHER CAKE.

THIS IS TOO MUCH CAKE.

AND THE PROBLEM IS…

IT’S REALLY GOOD CAKE.

Lisa showed Charlotte that little cake-leveling tool — the one you use to slice the rounded top off the cake so you can stack layers.

And because Charlotte loves me…

And because she knows I like the crispy edge pieces…

She saves the cut-off top for me.

Which means Lisa and I end up sitting on the couch…

Eating the cake tops…

With forks…

Right out of the pan.

          Side Note #2 — Judge me all you want. It was excellent.

But where does it end?

Is there always going to be cake now?

Is this my life?

Is my house just going to be Cake Central from now on?

Because if so…

This Culinary Arts teacher needs to slow things down a little.

I can’t tell Charlotte to stop baking.

I care about her education.

I want her to get good grades.

But there is too much cake.

And with starving kids in India, I can’t just throw away perfectly good cake.

PLUS…

It’s actually really good cake.

So now I’m stuck.

Living in a house…

Where cake just appears on a regular basis.

Which brings me back to the list.

DAMMIT…

Mrs. Culinary Arts Teacher Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet…

You just made the list.

Because there is simply…

TOO MUCH CAKE IN THE HOUSE.

Forget Marie Antoinette and her famous line:

“Let them eat cake.”

Lady…

I’ve been eating cake.

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