Yes, I am puzzled.

Actually, I think I live in a perpetual state of “huh?”

Here’s my latest crisis: temperature is apparently a social construct.

69 degrees means “I’m sweating to death” in July but “please bring me a sweater and a priest” in October.

Same number. Completely different emotional trauma.

I’m not even talking about the “feels like” temperature.

Nope. I’m talking about the alleged “actual” temperature — you know, the one the thermostat swears is objective, right before it gaslights me.

All summer I crank the A/C up at night so the unit doesn’t run nonstop while I’m asleep. Then in the morning, I drop it back down to 69 or 70 and bam, frosty paradise.

Then fall rolls in and I basically do the exact same thing — except now it’s called “heat.”

“Heat,” which I turn up to 69/70… so I can feel warm.

So let me get this straight:

69/70 is both “too damn hot” and “too damn cold.”

Apparently my thermostat is bilingual in nonsense.

Let’s go further down the rabbit hole: if the heat is set to 71, the system says, “Okay everyone, we’re good” and goes to sleep.

BUT — if the A/C is on, and the house is ALSO 71, and I set it to 70, the A/C wakes up like, “SIR YES SIR,” and blasts arctic air across the living room like we’re trying to preserve deli meat.

And somehow, 70 degrees on A/C feels like the Arctic tundra…

while 70 degrees on heat feels like “lukewarm disappointment.”

At this point, I think temperature is just vibes.

I give up.

The thermostat wins.

I can’t win against math that lies.

I want the truth – but I am told by the thermostat, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH !!!”

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