Yup, I’m a girl dad.
I’ve had things painted.
I’ve been to tea parties.
I watched The Little Mermaid 1000 times.
Wouldn’t have it any other way.
My oldest, Kate, just turned 19. The day she was born and I watched her come out and held her for the first time. I’ve never felt such joy.
As we found out we were expecting our 2nd, everyone assumed I wanted a boy. Because, you know, boy stuff. Like sports and everything boy related.
I was fine if it was another girl. Boy, fine. Girl, just as fine.
And God brought us Charlotte, our youngest.
And again – pure joy.
Happy Happy Joy Joy.
*Side Note 1 – Lightning can strike twice.
With two girls, a dad must have a wife that knows all the inner workings of raising girls.
See, me, I knew nothing about raising girls.
Women? Sure, I know women. I know all about women
*Side Note 2 – HA!!!!
But little girls?
Um…nope.
But I learned.
So I wondered about other guys raising girls and conversely, ladies raising boys.
So I reached out to two friends of mine. I sought out another guy that has 2 daughters and a woman that has two boys. I sent them both the same questions to see how they would answer.
GD (stands for Girl Dad) and he has two daughters about the same age difference as Kate and Charlotte. His daughters are a bit older than mine, but the age difference being close was important.
BM (stands for Boy Mom) and she has two boys almost exactly the same age as Kate and Charlotte, in fact her oldest son used to play with Kate when they were little.
Questions:
1. With each child – what is the best thing you taught them?
GD – I would like to think that I have taught them that they can be anything and do anything they want to…with hard work and making smart choices…and that gender should not be a limiting factor. Now that they have become successful adults, I would like think I can take some credit for that positive influence.
BM – It’s hard to say what is the best thing, I think being kind to others and to be respectful of themselves and other people. Both are pretty outspoken about how they feel, I’m glad that they’re comfortable enough to speak on how they feel.
2. With the youngest – did you have a hard time NOT thinking of them as “the baby” when they got older?
GD – I think at certain times when they were young, I had a tendency to think of the younger one as “the baby”, but as they got older, I tried to treat them as equals…one just happened to be a few years older than the other.
BM – Ummm, my youngest is still the baby, what are you talking about? I’m getting better at realizing that they are no longer the baby and that he’ll soon be an adult
3. Were you more lenient or more tough on the oldest?
GD – I would have to say most likely I was more lenient on the oldest and tried to be a little more stringent with the youngest in order to make her stronger in areas I had coddled or let the oldest get away with things early on.
BM- I am a lot tougher on my oldest. He has a bit more struggles than the youngest and I have to remember not to treat him differently because he may have more struggles. I have to be a bit tougher because I want him to not be taken advantage of.
4. Who taught them about sex and dealing with dating – you or the same sex parent?
GD – Mostly the same sex parent; however, I did have conversations with both daughters encouraging them to make smart choices and that only they could say what they wanted to do or not do and when they wanted to do it or not do it. I tried to give them their freedom – but with boundaries.
BM – I did.
5. Who taught them about finances and money?
GD – I would say that was a joint effort between both parents.
BM – I do the most of it and that is partly due to the fact that they spend more time living with me. Both of them ask questions related to finances and how to be an adult.
6. What do they tease you most for ?
GD – Probably for being grumpy
BM – They don’t think I am as funny as I am.
7. What did they argue most about?
GD I generally felt most of the arguing (especially as they got older) was jealousy based (one was envious of the other for a certain reason, or one felt the other got more attention/stuff/help than the other)..and then they hold grudges.
BM- They are two completely different kids who are both very strong in their convictions. A lot of their arguments are trying to prove to the other one why they’re right.
8. If facing something difficult, would they turn to each other or a parent?
GD – Most often a parent
BM – They would most definitely turn to me. Even on the worse days or when I think I’m not being the best parent, if one of them has something they need help with, they will always call me for advice or to listen.
9. Being the opposite sex as they, is there anything you were jealous of when they were younger?
GD – Not that I can think of.
BM – I don’t think so. I enjoy being a mom to boys and I embraced that from the get go.
*Side Note 3 – I’ll also answer this one – I was jealous of the closer bond they seemed to have with their mom. They would turn to her 99 times out of 100. There’s a closeness between daughters and moms that a dad doesn’t have.
10. Being the opposite sex as they, who was more the person handing out the discipline – you or the same sex parent?
GD – The same sex parent has always been the disciplinarian…mostly because I was away for much of their early childhood and that responsibility gravitated to the other parent.
BM – Me, as it still is. I am a more involved parent than the same sex parent, or any of the male figures in their lives.
11. What did you like BEST about being a different sex parent?
GD – I really enjoyed playing with my daughters (what dad doesn’t like playing with Barbie as long as it is with their daughter(s)), and teaching them to do things regardless of gender. It was awesome watching them grow up to be two amazing and successful women.
BM – I love that I will always have these 2 awesome guys as the best guys in my life.
12. Were there any argument you had in raising them with the same sex parent because “they knew best”?
GD – I would say the same sex parent had a different perspective than the opposite sex parent, but as most things in our marriage, we did our best to raise them on equal terms and understanding. Sometimes I felt that I was more interested in resolving conflict than the other parent…though perhaps that was the easy way out at times.
BM – None that I can recall. I don’t believe that ever came up. They were definitely some arguments, but none that happened because of an issue of me being a different sex than my kids.
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I appreciate your help – you two parents of the year candidates. I appreciate that you both leaped at the chance to assist me. THANKS
I know both sets of siblings that GD and BM have, and they did a GREAT job in raising them.
And that is more Copy and Paste than I might have ever done.
As for my answers I’d like to think I did as much as the GM (Girl Mom) in my daughter’s lives, but there are certain things only a mother can offer. Sure, I have my own set of special skills and my own set of advice(s) that I’ve offered them.
I remember a sitcom episode about a mom and dad arguing about raising kids, They had a boy and a girl. The dad said to the mom that as parents they have two jobs: “Keep the boy out of a dress and keep the girl off the pole”.
Funny yes, but there’s also some truth to that.
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