I’m always fascinated by the way certain cultures celebrate Christmas.

I understand that many families don’t want to observe Santa Claus with their children.  Perhaps they feel it is lying to them and lying is wrong.  Or perhaps they feel it is taking away the true meaning of Christmas which is celebrating the Birth of Jesus.

I get it.

I do.

But my take is that Santa Claus introduces children to the wonders of their imagination and gives them a reason to celebrate.

I say let them be children and enjoy this holiday season.

Let them be happy and give them gigantic smiles and laughter and slowly ease them into the actual meaning of why we celebrate.

You know – before they turn into adults and have the lifeblood sucked out of them.

But I digress.

Back to other cultures.

There are a few cultural traditions that I could seriously get behind.

In my house Lisa (the mom) has a frantic and hectic month.  Lisa works hard to both shop and wrap to ensure Christmas is a success – and she does it every year.

But in Serbia, well, they do it a bit different.

You see, two Sundays before Christmas, the kids tie up their mothers.  YES – they get ropes and/or zip ties and they tie up their mother.  The mother then has to pay her own ransom with gifts in order to be freed. 

Dads have to suffer that same fate the next Sunday.

               *Side Note 1 – what if the gifts don’t meet their children’s expectations?  Do they remain tied up?

In Norway, Christmas is celebrated with the exchanging of gifts and drinking of beer but they take it a step further with a tradition they call “Julebukking”.

Julebukking is the going door to door singing Christmas carols dressed as goats.

And did you know that in Japan it has become something of a thing to have KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) as their Christmas dinner.

But it’s not all fun and games and frivolity

               *Side Note 2 – yes, that is a word.

In Austria and in Bavaria, while St. Nicholas might brings gifts to the good boys and girls,  Krampuslauf will parade through the streets and scare the naughty boys and girls back in line.  Many men will dress up as ½ man and ½ goat scaring kids.

But to me, nothing says Christmas like Takanakuy

See, this is one holiday tradition that I could seriously get into.

Seinfield introduced us to Festivus.  You know, a Festivus for the rest of us. I like the idea of sitting around the Christmas dinner and the “Airing of Grievances” where you point out all the ways that your invited guests have disappointed you over the past year.  And then…. Oh my….. and then are the “Feats of Strength”. 

               *Side Note 3 – it was never revealed if the “Feats of Strength” was the same act or different acts, but we were led to believe that wrestling was involved.

But in Peru the celebrate Christmas with Takanakuy.

On Christmas day in Peru, many will go to church to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

But then, many will gather and resolve conflicts and grievances.

               *Side Note 4 – by many, I mean that often entire communities will gather in a huge circle.

They feel it is important to settle any grievances and conflicts before the year is over

It is here that conflicts are announced and the two people involved in this conflict will embrace one another and then ….. wait for it…..

They will fistfight.

YES – a bare knuckles fistfight..

Now, you might think this barbaric, but no, it is not.  There are basic rules that must be followed.

You may not use weapons of any kind and you may not strike your combatant which they are on the ground.

And then after the fistfight, the two combatants will embrace and the loser must apologize to the town for their part in the indiscretion.

               *Side Note 5 – OH MY GOD – How cool does this sound ?

It’s not just for fighting aged males either.  Oh no.  Women and teens will also settle their grievances in this way.

Any older men, or older women, may want to settle their grievances but might be physically unable to actually fistfight, so they can offer up a proxy to fight in their stead.

I mean seriously, I’d get a popcorn machine and sell popcorn and just sit there and make a day of it.

Someone takes your parking spot in April, you make note of it and you fistfight them Christmas.

A lady doesn’t return someone’s Tupperware in June and the lady fistfights her that Christmas.

If I sneeze and you don’t say to me “God Bless You”, then you just might be challenged to a fistfight on Christmas.

A man forgets to take out the trash ONE TIME, and the wife gets a proxy and the two men have a fistfight on Christmas.

Now I am sure they are relatively major offenses settled this way.

But can you imagine being the loser and having to apologize in front of the whole town.

I can only imagine the long line of people that would want to line up and fight me for my indiscretions throughout the year. My resolution in 2024 is to not be an ass

• Seriously