And they are doing it wrong.

WRONG – WRONG – WRONG !!!

***Disclaimer – I pride myself on rarely using curse words.  Even in my very (VERY) vulgar poems that I have written for friends and family – I don’t actually curse.  Sure, I make reference to a curse word, and you know it’s coming in the rhyme, but I never write/say it.  But in this post, curse words are used because only they will fit.***

Again – it’s all in the name.

Let’s take Smuckers – now they did it right.  And their advertising campaign even says it, “With a name like Smuckers, it’s gotta be good”.

That’s a name that makes you think, “Yeah, that sounds like good jelly”.  I see that in the store, and I even say to myself, “With a name like Smuckers, it’s gotta be good”.

And it is.

But what if they had named it ‘Runny Fruit Smear’, who would buy it?  In all truth, isn’t it actually a ‘runny fruit smear’?  But in calling it what it is, it loses that charm.

Right?

               *Side Note 1 – There is an exception or two.  One that comes to mind is “Sloppy Joes”. 

See, it’s all in a name.  It has to tell you something right from the get-go.  It needs to make you instantly know that it means something. 

It’s November and on the Mid-Atlantic coast, we made it through the Hurricane season okay.  We had a hurricane head our way, but in my area we didn’t get much.  Hurricane Idalia caused massive damage in Floridia.  But the name….. Hurricane Idalia…. That’s the name they gave it.

See, the name, Idalia.  That doesn’t invoke the sense of urgency to prepare.  It doesn’t make you fear standing in it’s way. 

The worst hurricane in my lifetime was Hurricane Katrina, 2005, that hit down south.  Most of the stories and pictures of devastation came from Louisiana.  And it was a nasty bad storm, many deaths due to many people not heeding the warning and thinking they could ride it out.  Many left stranded and needing rescues that often didn’t or couldn’t come. 

Again – the name “Katrina” just didn’t stress it’s strength and level of destruction it would create.

But see, that’s where the World Meteorological Organization went wrong.

This hurricane was barreling towards Louisiana and specifically New Orleans and it’s named “Katrina”

See, I picture two old guys, you know, drinking coffee outside of a jazz club and talking to each other about the upcoming storm:

Guy 1 – “You hear about this storm comin’”

Guy 2 – “Yeah, but it’s no big deal”

Guy 1 – “No man, I hear it’s gonna be a bad one – maybe the worst we’ve ever seen.”

Guy 2 – “What’s it called?”

Guy 1 – “Paper says ‘Hurricane Katrina’ – ‘sposed to be bad”

Guy 2 – “Shit man, I knew a Katrina.  She was a bit crazy and she busted some shit up when she left, but she al’right”

Guy 1 –  “yeah, I ‘spose you right. “

You see – they didn’t pay attention to the name.

Now, they do give them numbers, like a 1-5.  1 is just barely a hurricane while 5 is the worst and biggest hurricane.  But even so, it’s a numerical scale that only goes to a high of ‘5’.  Perhaps if it were 1-100, then that would give it some scale.  But even then, numbers are subjective too.

Suppose I made it through a Hurricane 4, then why worry about a Hurricane 3? 

Right?

Let’s take these same two guys in New Orleans.  Listening to the reports of Hurricane Katrina and the possible destruction that it may bring.  Because it’s named “Kartina” it was dismissed.

But let’s vision these same two guys are reading the paper in 2005 and having a conversation about the incoming storm:

Guy 1 – “You hear about this hurricane comin’?”

Guy 2 – “Yeah, I head something, what’s it named?”

Guy 1 – “Not sure”…. Thumbs through paper…. “Oh snap, it’s named “OH FUCK NO”

Guy 2 – “Shit man – we gotta get outta here and get to high ground”

See – that name grabbed their attention.  It made them take the danger seriously.

But it also goes the other way. 

I recall getting all worked up over a hurricane.  I recall seeing the storms empty the shelves of bread, milk and toilet paper.

               *Side Note 2 – Seriously.  What is it with the run on bread, milk and toilet paper during a storm?

We get all worked up, only to have it fizzle out and move out to the Atlantic.  But we had to get all worked up.

See, that hurricane should have been called, “Hurricane Kitten Whiskers”.

You name it “Hurricane Kitten Whiskers” and there’d be no run on bread, milk and toilet paper

               *Side Note 3 – or in Milton, DE a run on Food Lion White Grape Sparkling Water

               *Side Note 4 – You see what I did there?

But no.  This weak storm that had no effect on us had us all worked up.  Had it been named appropriately, we’d have not gotten all worked up.

Picture an average family: mom, dad, 2.5 children and a dog.  Sitting around the breakfast table enjoying their Saturday, making plans for the day.  Dad flipping though his phone. All of a sudden dad jumps up and yells, “HONEY – GRAB THE KIDS AND PACK THE BAGS – THERE’S A BIG STORM COMING!!!”

His wife tried to calm the kids, “Honey, they last one wasn’t so bad, you know, Hurricane Kitten Whickers, that was okay”

The husband is opening and slamming kitchen cabinets looking for flashlights and batteries, “No honey – this one looks bad”

The wife is unfazed, “Oh dear, what’s this one called”

The dad is now frantic, “They named it Hurricane Hammer to the Nut Sack”

The mom then yells to her kids, “KIDS GET DRESSED AND PACK A BAG!!!”

See…. It’s all in the name.

We have to do better people. 

I think the World Meteorological Organization needs to understand they control the narrative and they can make a difference.

Light storms could be called: “Hurricane Pillow Fight”, “Hurricane Stiff Breeze”, “Hurricane Bike Fell Over” or “Hurricane Belly Tickle.”

Medium storms could be called: “Hurricane Wedgie”, “Hurricane Indian Burn”, “Hurricane Migraine” or “Hurricane Stubbed Toe”

But the heavy weights, you know, the storms you need to pay attention to and take preventative action could be named, “Hurricane Atomic Nuclear Wedgie”, “Hurricane Prostate Exam”, “Hurricane Jack-Hammer To Your Ass”, “Hurricane Ball Smasher” or “Hurricane Fucking Take Cover”.

               *Side Note 4 – If I heard those storms were coming – I’d take serious action.

Enough of these naming them after people.  It doesn’t convey the sense of urgency that people need.

We deserve better.

I will gladly offer my services to be the head of the naming committee.

Perhaps a petition should be started.

Won’t that be fun.

Won’t that be fun.

• Ramblings