Does your mind ever just wander.  Mine does.

Just the other night I was taking the recycling to the curb and I started thinking about the difference between Vanilla Ice Cream and French Vanilla Ice Cream.  I don’t know.  While regular Vanilla Ice Cream is more of a white color, the French Vanilla Ice Cream has a soft yellow tint.

How exactly is that achieved?  Is it the yoke of an egg?  Or is it maybe they add a bit of French’s yellow mustard?  I don’t know.  Sure, I could read the ingredients.  Sure, I could use my Google machine and find out what the difference is.  But my way is better.  Just try and figure it out.  Thus …. My mind wanders.

Both recycling bins to the curb and I’m still stuck on the whole French thing.  In France, do they call the softly yellow tinted ice cream Vanilla Ice Cream and the OG Vanilla Ice Cream “American Vanilla Ice Cream”?

I will say that in my coffee, I like a bit of French Vanilla Creamer.  It’s WAY different that just Half&Half, and when you pour it in your Swell Joe Berry Much Coffee – COME ON NOW!!!!

And what about kisses?  If you’re making out with someone and you slip some tongue, you’re “French Kissing”.  But what if you are vacationing in France and you happen upon this lovely French person and you start kissing.  What would a French person say is “French Kissing”?  If a person from France slips some tongue, to them, is it just called “Kissing”?  Do they call anything “American Kissing”?  if so, what is “American Kissing”?

I do enjoy string beans. 

               *Side Note 1 – come on, you knew this was coming.

But there are several different green beans: Kitchen Cut, Italian Grean Beans, regular cut green beans and of course French cut green beans.  Odd.  I wonder if in France, do they call them French Cut Green beans or just green beans?

What is this fascination with all things French?  Why aren’t we naming everything we have Norwegian?  Like Norwegian Lima beans?

French Fries – that’s been done.  Are we so done with it that now it’s just “fries”?  Of course in England they call them chips.  And why exactly are they called “French” fries?  What about them is at all, “French”. 

               Sude Note 2 – did you know it’s speculated these fries originated in Belgium?  So why aren’t the Belgium Fries?  Could it be because they already had the waffle ?

At a local restaurant near us they have Irish Fries.  So I was excited, thinking I was getting imported potatoes from Ireland.  But no.  It was just regular French fries with cheese and bacon and green onions.  But they were called “Irish Fries” and not “Irish French Fries”?  If there is this same dish served in France, what is it called?

               *Side Note 3 – does anyone know anyone in France they could reach out to, to find the answers to these?

French bread – okay – I’m cool with French Bread.  Its WAY different that Italian Bread.  But again, in France, do they call it “French Bread” or just “Bread”?  And why does French Bread go so well with Spaghetti?  Sure, you might think Italian Bread goes better, but it doesn’t.  Suppose I go to France and I get a nice bottle of French wine, some nice cheese and a nice spicy mustard.  But it’s missing something.  OH WAIT – I find a bakery.  Do I go in and ask if they have any “French Bread”?  Wouldn’t all of their bread be “French Bread”?

French Doors.  Seriously.  French Doors.  What about a door makes it “French”.  And I wonder, are “French” Doors made in China

French Toast….. French Braids…..

Where does it end?  And, more importantly HOW does it end?  France has thrown itself into out way of life – the very fabric of our being.

Well…. I have a theory……  See, The United States and France are allies and friends.  In fact, if I recall, France is the oldest ally of The United States. The very first international ally The United States ever had

               Side Note 4 – Have you seen “Hamilton”

But what if France gets really pissed about something.  What if the United States and France have some type of International Domestic Disturbance.  Maybe it starts as a small misunderstanding.  But then Maybe Britain gets involved and stirs things up, you know, as retribution for the whole revolutionary War thing.  And suppose Canada gets all uppity and thinks if France takes The Unites States down a peg or 2, then they become more of a major world player. Because… you know….. French Canadians….

See. Am I now making sense or what?

Canada won’t actually cross our border or anything, but more like the Canadian Ambassador will say something to his Frenchie counterpart like, “Hey, did you hear what The United States said?” and then this same upstart Canadian ambassador says to his American friend, “Do you believe those Frenchies?  I mean who do they think they are saying that about the USA?”.

So now you got France all tense and The United States totally believing their neighbor Canada about all the smack the French are saying. 

So what does France do?  Well, they start saying, “Nope.  Our products are now off limits.” 

No more French Toast – from now on you just have toast.

No more French Bread – from now on it’s Wonder Bread for everyone.  See, Italy has to join in and take their Italian Bread away too

               Side Note 5 – you know how all those Europeans stick together.

No more French Onion Soup – from now on it’s just Onion Soup. 

               Side Note 6 – GROSS

No more French Fries – from now on it’s just fries.  Okay – so that’s no big deal – we all just call them “fries” now anyway.

No more French Kissing – it’s just Regular Grandmother kissing

               Side Note 7 – also GROSS

French Vanilla Coffee Creamer – from now on it’s just Vanilla Coffee Creamer.  Okay – that might now be too bad

But that’s when it occurred to me.  France has it’s eye on us.  They are embedded in our society.  They know it – but they don’t think we know it – until now.

So what choice do we have?  We’ve been spoiled.  France has integrated our society and we have to play nice.  They got us right where they want us.  They pull their products and they have ruined our way of life.  They have us – and here’s the scary part – THEY KNOW IT !!!  They are just sitting back, eating their croissants and watching and waiting.  Watching and waiting.

The media has us fearing China.  But mark my word – France is just waiting …. Waiting until they feel they can make their move…….

So be nice to The French.  This world is tough – and we need all these luxuries.  If we piss of the French – they’re gonna do the Cancel-Culture like we’ve never seen.

Do you really want to be stuck with American Champaign?

I didn’t think so.

You heard it here first. 

You’re welcome.

• Ramblings