You ever have one of “those” days? You know, a day where you felt everyone was against you? Not just 1 or 2 people, but a day where it seemed EVERYONE was against you? A day where it seemed the entire country was against you? Yes, the entire country!!! I have. Why would the entire country be against me? Me, Jim Sumstine, a nobody, living my quiet life here in Milton, Delaware. But there it was, as I opened the mailbox, and pulled out the official notification: It read: “THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA v JAMES SUMSTINE. What? The entire country against me? What did I do? What could I have possibly have done to have the entire country against me?
Who’s ready for a tale…..
It all started innocently enough. I don’t remember the year, but I think my daughters were 12 and 7 years old. It was a pleasant weeknight in late September, and dinner at home had ended early. After cleaning up, we decided to take a drive to the bay and enjoy the Fall evening. Closest to us is Broadkill Beach, a small waterfront community on the Delaware Bay; one road in and one road out.
Just north of that, maybe an extra 20 minute drive is Slaughter Beach. We rarely go to Slaughter Beach and decided to go there for a change, maybe put our toes in the sand one last time before the cold weather set in. After that, we thought we’d head back and stop at Dairy Queen for a treat.
Slaughter Beach is almost identical to Broadkill Beach. One road in and only the same road back out. Marsh land between the highway and the community. Just before you hit the bayside waterfront community, you go over a bridge that goes over the canal that runs parallel to the bay. Many people will fish from these low bridges and as we approached this bridge, we saw a man and a woman crabbing. My oldest daughter loves crabs (my youngest daughter referred to crabs and lobsters as “monsters”) but has never actually seen crabs being caught.
We decided we’d stop and maybe watch these people crab, so we drove past them to a place where we could turn around. After turning around, we drove back towards the bridge, stopping just short of the bridge. The area has clear signs posted about where you could not park, so we made sure to park in a proper place, which was just off the bridge. A very short walk up the small bridge and we noticed the couple had parked their pickup kind of on the decline of the bridge, in a place where you weren’t supposed to park. I noticed a bushel backet on the tail gate, so I mentioned that they parked there because it was a short walk and they wanted to put the crabs they caught in the bushel basket and keep them out of the sun.
The man and lady seemed nice enough and Lisa and the girls quickly struck up a conversation with her and she talked about how they catch crabs, it was going to be their dinner that night. Hearing them talk, I kind of got bored with the conversation and I decided to take a walk down the path just off the bridge that ran along the canal. It was kind of wooded, but lots of breaks in the trees and areas where people had been fishing; you could see the lures and fishing lines tangled in the trees and brush. I was maybe 25-30 yards off the road when I heard a person say “Excuse me sir, could you please come out of there?” Now, that might not have been exactly what was said, but I do remember the tone was not threatening nor too authoritative. I turned to see a police officer. Um… okay, where did this guy come from?
He asked what I was doing. I told him, “Nothing, my wife and daughters are talking up on the bridge and I decided to go down this path.”
“This is a restricted area, and you’re not supposed to be here” the officer informed me.
“Um, okay, I didn’t see any posted signs and it’s a pretty defined path”, I replied.
“Were you fishing sir?”
“No, I don’t have a fishing pole, I was just wondering what was down this path.”
“Are any of these lines yours sir?”, he continued to question me.
I was actually dressed kind of nicely, canvas shoes, khaki pants and a loose fitting long sleeve button up shirt, and I said something like “Sir, do I look like I’m dressed for fishing?”
He then asked if I had any ID, to which I gave him my drivers license. He looked at it and then asked me to follow him.
So I went back up the path and he asked me to “wait right here” while he took my license to his car. My wife Lisa was nearby and walked over and asked what was going on. I told her, “I think he’s going to give me a ticket”. He came back and asked me to confirm the information on my license and then he proceeded to give me a citation. I asked him, “Are you kidding me? I got bored of standing here and walked down a path.”
To which he replied, “No sir, there are signs clearly posted that this area is closed”.
We had a brief discussion about the signs that while he says are clearly posted, I politely argued were not “clearly posted”. But, it was pointless to argue. He walked away in the direction of the couple that was crabbing, and I noticed they had since stopped crabbing. I turned towards the path, not to go back down, but I was determined to convince myself that there was no “clearly posted” sign. And, as I suspected, and as I had argued, there was no sign.
As I walked back up the incline, across the short bridge and down the incline of the other side of the bridge to get back to our car, THERE IT WAS – I spotted the “clearly posted” sign. It was on a metal sign post and it was off the road a bit – blocked from view by the pickup truck parked illegally by the crabbing couple.
I made sure to take a picture of the truck and of the sign blocked by the truck and the 4 of us decided to go home. Gone was the strawberry blizzard from Dairy Queen, replaced by this ticket I got. for who knows what. $175 – that is the going rate one must pay for boredom these days. $175.
So “Pigpen this here’s the runner duck, we just ain’t-a-gonna pay no toll” so I crashed the gate doing 98 I says, “let them truckers roll 10-4” – sorry, 70s flashback about not letting the man get over on you. Anyway…… Lisa and I had a brief discussion about the citation and we agreed, we’re not paying this. I’ll see what happens. I’m happy to go to Georgetown and explain my side and I know I’ll have to pay the $175, but not tomorrow.
Months went by and it was kind of forgotten. Until…… there it was in the mailbox…… but it wasn’t from Georgetown. Nope. It seems I had committed a federal crime….. uh oh……..
I wasn’t really concerned about this. In fact, I was a bit irritated. I was being summoned to federal court in Wilmington, DE on a certain date and I had to be there at 10:00am for my federal trial. FEDERAL TRIAL – for taking a little stroll on a nice warm fall afternoon.
A few months went by and off I go for my trial. I entered the parking info into my GPS, stopped at WAWA on the way for a cup of coffee and off I went. It was winter, but it was a pretty nice morning and the courthouse was a short walk from the parking lot. RATS – notice on the courthouse door, no cell phones, so I briskly walked back to my car to leave my phone, then another brisk walk back to the courthouse.
I walked in and went through the metal detectors, because as you know, the Federal Government has deemed me a threat and now the whole country was onto me. I showed my paperwork and they directed me to the 3rd floor (I think it was the 3rd floor, but seriously, if I had said the 4th floor, would this really matter to you, the reader?). I got off the elevator and went around the corner to the waiting area outside the court room. There were a few benches, but I preferred to just stand towards the door.
Off to my right was this seriously scary Hispanic gentleman covered in tattoos huddled with a lady (which I assume was his wife) and a guy in a suit, which I assume was his lawyer. Me, being the joker I am often prone to be, I wanted desperately to ask him, “So, what they got you on?”, I couldn’t wait to tell him I was here for ‘trespassing’.
So I’m waiting for the doors to open and this very nicely dressed man comes up to me and asks If I’m here for a trial date. I said I was and he asked if I had my summons. I kind of thought twice, then I thought, ok, why not show it to him. So I showed him my summons and he asked if I had representation with me.
Ok – I’ve seen lots of movies and shows about lawyers and how they hang around hospitals, police stations and, yes, even courts, to try and solicit clients. So I told him, “Thanks, I don’t think I need a lawyer to help me today”
Here’s where it went off the rails……. He said, “No, I’m the federal prosecutor and I’ll be prosecuting your case”.
OH…… NO……..
SO he asks for me to tell him what happened and I explained the entire story.
He stopped me and asked, “So what were you doing?”
“Nothing”
“Everyone says they weren’t doing anything, but what were you doing?”
“Seriously, nothing”
“You weren’t fishing?”
“No sir”
“You weren’t crabbing?”
“No”
”The criminal complaint says you were ‘recreating’, what is that, what were you doing?”
I responded “Recreating? What’s that mean?”
He showed me his notes, and there it was in the officer’s notes – “recreating”.
So I told him I had no idea what that means.
But he went on, “Were you flying a kite or something?”
“No”
“Did you have a beach chair and you were just hanging out in the sun?”
“No”
“Did you have a machete and were you clearing a path?”
“No”
“Seriously, what were you doing?”
I could tell he was getting a bit frustrated, and I said, “I told you, I got bored, I decided to see what was down the path and I was down there for about a minute”
So he kind of leaned in a bit and spoke in a softer tone, “Look I have a lot going on today, I don’t have time for this foolishness. I have a major drug trafficking trial 6 months in preparation, I don’t have time for this.” I kind of just looked at him. “You live in Milton, Delaware right?”, he said while again reviewing my documents, “Did you take time off work to come down here?”
“I work from home, so it wasn’t a big deal.”
He looked at me, “Why didn’t you just pay the fine?”
“Because I didn’t think it was right.”
He kind of laughed. He showed me the citation copy he had and he couldn’t make out the officer’s name, the writing was faint. He asked if I knew the officer’s name. I didn’t.
He said, “Look, when we get in there, just let me do the talking, okay?” To which I agreed. But a part of me thought this was too easy, part of me thinking ‘he’s gonna get in there and ask the judge to just impose the fine, he has all the info and no need for a trial’. But I had my checkbook with me – and I knew I was going to have to pay anyway.
So he steps to the side and makes a phone call (did he not see the “NO CELL PHONES” sign on the main door) and I patiently wait for the doors to open.
The doors opened a few minutes later and we walked in. I was a small courtroom, only 2 or 3 rows of benches and a few court workers. The other scary couple was on one side and I sat in the front row of the other side. We stood up when the judge walked in, and for some reason, all I could think of was “Alice’s Restaurant” by Arlo Guthrie Jr.
The judge asked the prosecutor how he would like to proceed, and he said he’d like to bring up my case first, and I stood up and the prosecutor told the story. At the end, the judge asked if it was accurate, I responded it was. The judge said he’d await for the prosecutor to contact the officer who wrote the citation, and if my account was accurate, I’d receive written notification that charges had been dismissed.
I thanked the judge and I thanked the prosecutor and shook his hand and left the courtroom a free man.
About 3 or 4 days letter, I got a phone call from the court telling me that my case had been closed and all charges had been dismissed. I thanked them for calling me. I would have liked to have heard the conversation between the prosecutor and the officer that issued the citation.
And that is how I, James Sumstine, Public Enemy #1, defeated the entire United States of America.
My Take on Life and Events 